


alligator skin boots

by glowstickbones



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Op kins shuichi saihara and is projecting his trauma onto him, Other, Self-Harm, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:22:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26138821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glowstickbones/pseuds/glowstickbones
Summary: shuichi wakes up, his chest tight and eyes blurred with tears. he is dirty.
Kudos: 25





	alligator skin boots

**Author's Note:**

> THIS WORK CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ABUSE, RAPE AND SELF HARM, DO NOT READ IT TO TRIGGER YOURSELF.
> 
> yet another vent fic by yours truly!

his eyes bubbled with tears as his chest heaved. more nightmares. nightmares were a normal thing for Shuichi. they had always been. it happened almost every night, and if not his dreams were a blank void of nothing, nothing to remember and nothing to see just blank.

his eyes shot open and he let out a weak sob, throwing himself into a sitting position on his bed.

his eyes shot around his room, his shaky hands coming to cover his lips- it was just a dream, he couldnt be hurt anymore. that horrible man wasnt here to touch him anymore, he was okay.

he laid his head back on the wall, trying to calm his breathing. he hated his skin. he wanted to crawl out of it and find a new one.

he shook his head as he pulled himself off the bed, standing way to fast. it made him feel dizzy, his vision greying a moment before he reached out for the wall. 

he stood a moment before he was able to see again and made his way to the bathroom. he needed to clean up, he didnt want to feel the grime on his skin anymore.

the shower came to life with a hiss, cool water coming down in streams. he didnt bother to make it hot- he just stripped himself of his clothes, trying not to look at his skin. he didnt want to be reminded that he had a body that was so so dirty from that man.

his skin protested the cold water with goosebumps, but he ignored them, stepping directly into the stream of water. 

he closed his eyes as he let the water fall over him. it happened so many years ago but he felt sick and dirty. its what kept him from having relationships with anyone. he didnt want anyone to touch him till he was clean. problem was he never felt clean.

no matter how many times he rubbed his skin raw in the shower hoping to get all the grime off he never felt clean. he could still feel the touch of the person he used to trust, he could feel the brushing over fingers and the whispers. it made vomit rise in his throat.

he opened his eyes- he didnt want to remember that. 

he reached for the shampoo, hands fumbling to open the cap and pouring some into his hand before setting it back down, soon lathering it into his hair.

he scrubbed at his hair a while, hoping it would ground him more. 

after he was done with washing his hair he looked down at his body- all the scars on his arms, sides and legs from how hard he tried to scrub himself clean from his touch. 

it never worked but he didnt care. it gave him a sense of ease that he was cleaning himself- trying to take all the dirty he left on him with his touch.

he rubbed at his arms some, dead skin flaking off in the water. 

rubbing turned into scratching and scratching turned into him clawing and ripping at his skin.

his chest heaved as his nails dug into his skin. he just wanted to be clean, thats all he wanted, he didnt want to be dirty anymore

why had he dirtied him? why had he stained his skin with his touch and blacked his brain with the memories.

why couldnt he just forget and why was this so hard to get over? it happened when he was 12, he was nearing hi 20s now.

yet he still woke up night after night with it fresh in his mind.

he wondered if he would have done this if he knew how much it hurt him. how it made him feel sick at the thought of someone ever touching him like that again. 

he had tried relationships with other people, just hoping that he could get over it and be normal, but the second it came to what he dreaded he broke down. he couldn do it, couldnt let anyone touch him. 

he gave up after that. he was dirty and nobody should have to deal with im shaking and crying every time someone placed a hand on his thigh. he would deal with this alone, just like he should have from the beginning


End file.
